today, the bloomington-normal citizens for peace and justice held an alternative bush inauguration in downtown bloomington. we inaugurated a juniper bush. you can read the press release over on gabe's weblog. i wrote most of the speech that was read. here it is:

This bush has never betrayed our trust. It has never mislead us about weapons of mass destruction. It has never made hollow statements about protecting our environment while pushing laws to harm our environment. It has never promised to educate our children, and failed to honor its promise. Every word this bush has ever spoken was true. This is an honest bush. An honest bush is good for America. An honest government is good for America.
This bush has never killed. It has never put a single American in harm's way. It has never attacked another country without reason. This bush believes in the value of human life, and fights to preserve it, not destroy it. This is a peaceful bush. A peaceful bush is good for America. A peaceful government is good for America.
This bush improves the environment. This bush has a record of removing harmful carbon dioxide from our atmosphere. This bush knows global warming is a problem, and is working with plants and people around the world to solve this problem. This bush has no ties with the oil industry. This bush supports renewable energy sources. This is an environmentally friendly bush. An environmentally friendly bush is good for America. An environmentally friendly government is good for America.
This bush doesn't waste money. This bush provides resources for everyone. This bush does not support corporate welfare. This bush sides with working people over big business. This bush will provide for all, rich or poor, old or young. This bush has never spent more money than it has. This bush never threw itself lavish parties while ignoring those in need. This is a fiscally responsible bush. A fiscally responsible bush is good for America. A fiscally responsible government is good for America.
This bush believes in equal rights. This bush has never attacked a minority for political gain. This bush has never called for inequality to smear our nation's constitution. This bush treats all Americans the same. A bush that supports equality is good for America. A government that supports equality is good for America.
This bush is good for America. This is the best bush we know. We hereby inaugurate this bush.
An inauguration is a new beginning, an opportunity to rededicate ourselves to what we know is right. On this inauguration day, we inaugurate this bush, and with it we inaugurate the values that are good for America. We inaugurate honesty. We inaugurate peace. We inaugurate a healthy planet. We inaugurate responsibility. And we inaugurate equality.